Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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