Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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