The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My liver just had a heart attack.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
