I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
