If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
