I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
