I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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