Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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