I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
