She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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