Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
