I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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