Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
