forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
