how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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