we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
3 2 1 whiskey
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
