im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
