Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
