I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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