Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
