I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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