Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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