yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
