Don't you send me to vm
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
