oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
