hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize