I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
