thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
