Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
