you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
