So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
