I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
