we're chasing vodka with high fives
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
