I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
