I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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