Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
