I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
