It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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