The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
