Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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