she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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