You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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