I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
