Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
