giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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