i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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