I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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