Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
