i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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