Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have fence marks all over my body
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
