some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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