Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
