even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
