I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
