After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize