ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize