um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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