me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
