Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
