Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
