That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
