He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
