i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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