Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
