I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
