ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's always time for handjobs
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
