How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
