Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
