not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
