just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Small penises have feelings too.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
