We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So vagazzling was a success
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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