I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
