Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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