I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
