I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
