Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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