im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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