Slut skills are useful in every country.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
