hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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