he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
