My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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