Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
