How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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