RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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