Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
