if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
