I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
