this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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