Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
