someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
