We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
