TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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