matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He better not be in your backpack
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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