Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Randomize
