??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
